I've got to watch myself these days. It's too exciting watching anyone else.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?

No one party can fool all of the people all of the time; that's why we have two parties

I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money.

My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.

The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.

I don't do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.

You're good salesman, if you make people buyproduct they don't need.

I should be learning another language and working out more, but I'm just always saying, 'Ah, I could get hit by a bus tomorrow.'

I think the ethical standards established in this White House have been the highest in the history of the White House.

Public housing is more than just a place to live, public housing programs should provide opportunities to residents and their families.

We have been restraining the growth of the cost of education-that is, tuition, room and board-to be within approximately one and a half percentage points of the consumer price index.

Ram it up your poop chute.

The simplest way for me to look at the law of attraction is if I think of myself as a magnet, and I know that a magnet will attract to it.

I'm always going to be under a microscope, and I haven't always handled it well.

Arthur Miller wouldn't have married me if I had been nothing but a dumb blonde.

Driving in Monte Carlo is like riding a bike in your house.