I've hated cockroaches my entire life.Tweeting jokes about it helps me cope, in a way. I'm not as jumpy killing cave crickets as I used to be. I still jump plenty though.

Death is the only thing keeping us in line.

Thank God there's somebody that doesn't like Stuart Scott. I'm so happy!. It was nice to have that counter-balance to ESPN.

I took time in the day to write as much of the book as I possibly could. I didn't write too much at night, because I don't like to - I'd rather watch TV.

I had to be happy with the process of writing.Each step you take is more rewarding than the one before.

You cannot hide from the world. It will find you. It always does. And now it has found me. My split second of immortality is over. All that's left now is the end, which is all any of us ever has.

For every hour a mother gets to herself, a father will demand five times that amount for drinking with friends and acting like an immature dipshit.

If you have a great characters, you can always have your character do nothing or do something stupid, and people will still follow them, because they're so real and so tangible.

I wanted to write a book that maybe had the potential to go beyond the Deadspin and KSK [Kissing Suzy Kolber] readership.

With toilet books, people don't review them that much. They don't really pay much attention to them. It's just like, "Oh, okay. I'll put this in your stocking."

I know I still had to take money from my parents, because no one can afford to live in Manhattan, not even the rich people.

I am charging you with the protection of my mother and friends, not to mention keeping my younger self off the Internet. He is as dangerous as Opal.

In acceptance, I am grounded. In vulnerability, I am strong. In love, I am whole.

Definitely, there's a lot of strength in depth in my division.

... Geniuses have a little extra something. There's that little something that you know is a little different.

If you're not a thorn in somebody's side, you aren't doing Christianity right.

I'm always moving apartments or moving houses or moving cities.

The best thing to do with water is to use a lot of it.

We cannot tolerate comments of such hatred, such anti-Semitism, such intolerance. And these comments are all the more troubling given that we know of Iran's nuclear ambitions.

I'm a big believer in human nature.

Excuses are the words coming from the loser in you.