I've just finished my book, I wrote it on penguins. Come to think of it, paper would have been better.

If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that!

You know the animal that kills the most people in the world? The Hepatitis Bee.

About a month before he died, my grandfather, we covered his back full of lard - after that he went downhill very quickly.

As a child I watched Mary Poppins so many times I suffered from a condition with my sight. Umdiddleiddleiddleumdiddle Eye.

My grandfather invented the cold air balloon... But it never really took off.

I hate sitting in traffic, because I always get run over.

I went out with this girl the other night, she wore this real slinky number...She looked great going down the stairs.

If you're depressed and called Morgan spend the first half of the day in Germany for some positive affirmation.

Most of my relatives are police marksmen, apart from my grandad who was a bank robber. He died recently, surrounded by his family.

My aunt Marge has been so ill for so long that we've started to call her I can't believe she's not better

Brew it local

Your state of mind is everything.

Often too many expectations are put on by society as to what we're supposed to look like and it's fed to people at an age that's too young.

My Zombie apocalypse plan is simple but effective; I fully intend to die in the very first wave.

I'm one of those people that believes you should start writing before you think you're ready.

The young have to kill the old. The young, if they want to achieve their own platform, have to diminish the reputations of the ones that have gone before. That's how life works.

Anybody that goes to the theater, I think we're all misfits, so we ended up on stage or in the audience.

I wanted to be in The Emerald Forest. I chased that one for six months before it all came about. I wanted to work with John Boorman!

There's a part of me that thinks I'm married to the audience, that I'm married to my job, and that this is where I devote 90% of my energy.

That sounds stupid, but in most films that take six months, you're actually spending four weeks to do a fight scene.