I've learned to control everything. I don't get angry at anything. Somebody can do me wrong. That's life. What good is it to get angry?

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

Books are like flypaper, memories cling to the printed pages better than anything else.

every time God forgives us, God is saying that God's own rules do not matter as much as the relationship that God wants to create with us.

Everything created has a beginning, Destiny of the Endless...as everything created has an end.

To have beautiful lips, say beautiful things. To have beautiful eyes, look at people and see the good in them.

Journalism is a giant catapult set in motion by pigmy hatreds.

Is this a private fight, or can anyone join?

All evils are equal when they are extreme.

The task of science, therefore, is not to attack the objects of faith, but to establish the limits beyond which knowledge cannot go and found a unified self-consciousness within these limits.

Sordid selfishness doth contract and narrow our benevolence, and cause us, like serpents, to infold ourselves within ourselves, and to turn out our stings to the entire world besides.

A man has as many social selves as there are individuals who recognize him.