I've led this empty life for over forty years and now I can pass that heritage on and ensure that the misery will continue for at least one more generation.

Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there's your diamond in the rough.

Even though the National Guard and Army Reserve see combat today, it rankles me that people assume it was some kind of waltz in the park back then.

Being Larry David on Curb Your Enthusiasm was the best thing to happen to Larry David in life.

Give a guy a girlfriend and a great job, he doesn’t need therapy.

I’d rather have the thieves than the neighbors - the thieves don't impose. Thieves just want your things, neighbors want your time.

Women love a self-confident bald man.

Sometimes you have to wander a bit, and do what you don't want to in order to figure out what it is you're supposed to do.

Switzerland is a place where they don't like to fight, so they get people to do their fighting for them while they ski and eat chocolate.

I had a job as a paralegal. I drove a cab.

A date is an experience you have with another person that makes you appreciate being alone

Since we live in the heads of those who remember us, we lose control of our lives and become who they want us to be.

The first principle of time is that it must be converted into product.

When you look away from a homeless person, you diminish their humanity and your own.

I had a friend whose family had dinner together. The mother would tuck you in at night and make breakfast in the morning. They even had a spare bike for a friend. It just seemed so amazing to me.

I can't get through the gate. The gate is narrow.

Dance is the movement of the universe concentrated in an individual.

We must have the real thing before we can have a science of a thing.

Never question the beauty of what you are saying because someone reacts with pain, judgment, criticism. It just means they have not heard you.

Without ethical consciousness, a painter is only a decorator.

Sometimes we woke up and feel like a Guitar Master, sometimes we woke up and feel like a complete fool. but that's the fun part of learning guitar