I've lived (in LA) for so long, I don't even know what is real and what isn't anymore.

I can smell bullshit from a mile away but it's so much harder to detect when it's around you all day.

I'm a late-night guy.

I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny.

I don't laugh out loud at comics a lot.

Here's how you know that you're really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time.

Losing my mind sounds so pessimistic. I prefer the term winning my insanity.

When people refer to 'Back in the Day,' it was a Wednesday. Just a little fun fact for you.

I'm quitting the business today. I'm going to open up an appliance store, I've always really been into toasters. I'm giving it all up.

I don't write any of my material down. I like to improvise and be spontaneous.

Trolls look for reasons to hate but really what they are mad at is the fact they are not included in anything ever.

Fear and love were sometimes the same thing both necessary unavoidable. Now she understood that it was okay to bleed if you know how to heal.

Where you don’t see pure love, there is indeed no path to moksha [ultimate liberation] there. Where there is a fee, there is no pure love there!

Education stuffs you full of ideas without the coinciding experience that gave rise to those ideas in the first place, giving you incorrect perspective and notions.

The saddest thing about death, whether it's our own or someone we care for, is when the world doesn't stop we do.

I think that America has to stand with democracy.

What would human life be without forests, those natural cities?

Judge yourself; if you do that you will not be judged by God, as St. Paul says. But it must be a real sense of your own sinfulness, not an artificial humility.

For an omnipotent and omniscient being, God has made some really lousy earthly staffing decisions.

When I was nine, I wrote a vow of celibacy on a piece of paper and ate it.

The dance is strong magic. The body can fly without wings. It can sing without voice. The dance is strong magic. The dance is life.