I've lived in the UK for longer than I lived in Ireland. I'm not worried about myself, but it's ridiculous for youngsters.

People will kill you over time, and how they'll kill you is with tiny, harmless phrases, like 'be realistic.'

Money can't buy you love, but it can get you some really good chocolate ginger biscuits.

Black Books adheres to a more old fashioned, traditional sitcom format, which I think works, because in its own way, it's quite theatrical.

You’re not an adult at all - you're just a tall child holding a beer, having conversations you don't understand...

Don't do it! Stay away from your potential. You'll mess it up, it's potential, leave it. Anyway, it's like your bank balance - you always have a lot less than you think.

I'm quite a compulsive person-I only worked this out recently - I'm compulsive, but I'm also very indecisive. I don't know what I want, but I know that I want it now.

Oh how I hate you. I hate you so much it gives me energy. I have to get up early in the morning just to hate you, because there's not enough time in the day! Please GO AWAY!

I don't do drugs. If I want a rush I just stand up when I'm not expecting it.

I think you should, yeah. You should wash your beard, then shave it off, nail it to a Frisbee and fling it over a rainbow.

You try various things when you're growing up. I was an attache in the Foreign Service for a while and then I drove a bulldozer, but neither of those panned out for me so it had to be stand-up.

Money and religion are perfect alloy.

Hegel used to say that the familiar, precisely because it is familiar, remains unknown. That’s why we don't know so much about stupidity.

Life is a tragedy full of joy.

The doctrine that the cure for the evils of democracy is more democracy is like saying that the cure of crime is more crime.

What is the thing that Hollywood demands most? Sincerity. No place in the world will pay such a high price for this admirable trait

Modest egotism is the salt of conversation; you do not want too much of it, but if it is altogether omitted, everything tastes flat.

If you're playing the character, you could say to yourself in 16 different ways, 'What if that didn't bother me?' 'What if I knew exactly what he was talking about?' 'What if I didn't get excited?'

I feel like having something that you're passionate about helps to keep you young.

I think it's a meritorious action to become a monk, provided that your motivation is pure.

My sketchbook is a witness of what I am experiencing, scribbling things whenever they happen.