I've made a kind of pact with myself where I said, It doesn't matter what it is as long as I'm acting.

The nice thing is that, at least in Los Angeles, I'm known as a character actor and I do auditions for other things besides just cartoon shows.

Sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad. And I'm tired of making other people feel good about themselves.

I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?

Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.

Beer. Now there's a temporary solution!

Go ahead and play the blues if it'll make you happy.

If the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling, foxy boxing, and such and such.

All normal people love meat. If I went to a barbeque and there was no meat, I would say 'Yo Goober! Where's the meat?'. I'm trying to impress people here Lisa. You don't win friends with salad.

Oh, everything's too damned expensive these days. This Bible cost 15 bucks! And talk about a preachy book! Everybody's a sinner! Except this guy.

To many, Homer may appear lazy and a loser, but he's just much misguided. He's boorish, sure, but well meaning and, I guess, the one thing we have in common is the pursuit of lousy diets.

Cleave to the common good. We are all responsible for bringing about the time of great suffering, for its continuing.

Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt.

Going back to the paradigm we live in, the only way to do music is if I can sustain living off of it. If I can't live off of it, I'm not going to be able to make as much music.

The era of strategic patience with the North Korean regime has failed. Many years, and it's failed. And, frankly, that patience is over.

He who best knows the world will love it least.

At the end of the day you have to keep emotions away.

We hold upon this earth the place of God Almighty.

Such is the state of life, that none are happy but by the anticipation of change: the change itself is nothing; when we have made it, the next wish is to change again.

Art is a war - between ourselves and the forces of self-sabotage that would stop us from doing our work. The artist is a warrior.

Without a doubt, Eddie Van Halen is the greatest guitar player who has ever lived.