I've met Nicole Kidman, Elton John, loads of people.

I was at college doing performing arts, and just spending all my time mucking about, and the lecturers thought I would be pretty good at stand-up, so I gave it a whirl.

I hate Shakespeare. I think Shakespeare's rubbish.

A lot of comedians, when they have a bad gig, will blame everything but themselves. They'll blame the crowd, or the room was wrong, it had a weird vibe, or the promoter promoted a weird atmosphere.

I'm just generally hugely frustrated, I'm a very, very frustrated man. I'm just a ball of pent-up frustration.

I didn't really want to be a comedian.

I still get excited about meeting celebrities, because I don't think I'm a celebrity myself.

Modern man threw a brick through his own window in order to sell himself a burglar alarm.

The whole business of smoking is like forcing yourself to wear tight shoes just to get the pleasure of taking them off.

I like old people falling over, that's what makes me laugh.

I was quite pleased that Prince Philip didn't say anything like, I hate queers! He was quite well behaved.

To maintain a constant relationship with God is to be discernable

We are not educated well enough to perform the necessary act of intelligently selecting our leaders.

It's a repressive society where you can't be horrible, I'm not horrible, they made me horrible, I'm just honest.

Oppressed people cannot remain oppressed forever. The yearning for freedom eventually manifests itself.

Beginning of all knowledge comes from humility.

But don't ever call her ex-boyfriends by his name.

Great artists are modest almost as seldom as they are faithful to their wives.

If we have a heart to learn and a willingness to follow the example of children, their divine attributes can hold a key to unlocking our own spiritual growth.

The test of a great golfer is his ability to recover from a bad start.

All times are dangerous times.