I've met a few people who were passive-aggressive, but I've never met anyone who was aggressive-passive. I don't want tacos! Maybe.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

The road to happiness starts with a deep breath and an awareness of the many blessings tied to that single breath.

The Ninysh might have resisted a bit harder. I don't mean to imply that they were cowards..., " Maurizio said shrugging, clearly implying that the Ninysh were cowards.

Imparting education not only enlightens the receiver, but also broadens the giver - the teachers, the parents, the friends.

Christianity in its ideas was never the art of the possible.

The press of Italy is free, freer than the press of any other country, so long as it supports the regime.

The accumulation of toxins in the body/mind system accelerates aging.

One thing I’ve noticed about getting older, it takes twice as much work to get half the results one formerly achieved by falling out of bed.

There's a lot of anger on our side. We've been lied about, we have been lied to, we've been mischaracterized, Hillary calling people deplorables and this kind of thing.

Hope can see heaven through the thickest clouds.

It is sad that the air is the only thing we share. No matter how close we get to each other, there is always air between us.