I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me.

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.

I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone.

When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping.

I'm just a person trapped inside a woman's body.

My fashion philosophy is, if you're not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.

Ever notice that Soup for One is eight aisles away from Party Mix?

The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus was born.

You know, if you need 100 rounds to kill a deer, maybe hunting isn't your sport.

It doesn't bother me that I'm not a household word on the East Coast. Baton Rouge, Raleigh, Minneapolis - I'm so popular in these cities where you've never imagined an East Coast comedian working.

When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.

Travellers ne'er did lie, Though fools at home condemn 'em.-Antonio

Acting, to me, has been many things: It's a business, and it's a craft, and it's a political act - it's whatever adjective is most applicable.

Every single one of us can do something, however small, to make a difference.

To be in Brazil and see the work of Os Gêmeos or to be in England and see what Banksy is doing is pretty fascinating to me.

Unlike the animal, God has given man the faculty of reason.

The best leaders operate in four dimensions: vision, reality, ethics, and courage.

We appear to be programmed with the idea that there are 'things' outside of our self, and some are conscious, and some are not.

I'm sautéing emcees with fried rice up in the wok without the MSG and chopped celery.

All I could think of when I got a look at the place from the outside was what fun it would be to stand out there and watch it burn down.

If you give me wings I will soar for you Even if this whole land Sinks down to the water If you give me a sword I will fight for you Even if this whole sky Shoots through with your light