I've never laughed a woman into bed, but I've laughed one out of bed many times.

This sausage roll only contains 2% of your daily intake of calories... if you lick it.

I bought one of those anti-bullying wristbands when they first came out. I say 'bought', I actually stole it off a short, fat ginger kid.

I vote for whoever will annoy my dad.

I want to write a film. I need to think of the right idea and focus on that; I love writing.

I hope people think of me as a bit older. I do have a beard. That makes me look very old.

I think people respect honesty rather than hiding it.

I love Downton Abbey. It's just great. My mother giving birth to me was just like Lady Sybil giving birth, except that there wasn't such a tragic ending.

Oh, you wanna do a little bit of roleplay? Could you just play dead?

For the first six months of my stand-up career, I was talking like Danny Dyer. I was doing a lot of 'alright guvnors?' It wasn't true to who I was.

I only got into comedy to get laid

Motivation gets you going Inspiration keeps you going.

Tying the know means slipping a noose around love and choking it to death.

Silence sat in the taxi, as though a stranger had got in.

Keep your head up in failure and your head down in success.

When you cross the street, take my hand

I've played a lot of roles I haven't wanted to play, either because they needed someone in the theatre or because they couldn't do it without me 'cause they don't have anyone else the right age.

The biggest challenge of my career, which is something that authors of genre fiction face all the time, is writing something fresh and new and at the same time meeting reader expectations.

We should nourish our souls on the dew of Poesy, and manure them as well.

Every NASCAR driver watches Formula One in the morning; they are well informed.

Credibility is a basic survival tool.