I've never made up events, but I've always been a big exaggerator. It's written on my humorist license that I'm allowed to do that.

The Greeks had invented democracy, built the Acropolis and called it a day.

Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you're offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone's feelings.

A zoo is a good place to make a spectacle of yourself, as the people around you have creepier, more photogenic things to look at.

There seemed to be some correlation between devotion to God and a misguided zeal for marshmallows.

All of us take pride and pleasure in the fact that we are unique, but I'm afraid that when all is said and done the police are right: it all comes down to fingerprints.

Remember that the most important thing is to try and love other people as much as they love you.

Everyone looks retarded once you set your mind to it.

I started writing when I was twenty, and my first book came out seventeen years later.

Like all of my friends, she's a lousy judge of character.

A good [short story] would take me out of myself and then stuff me back in, outsized, now, and uneasy with the fit.

Zionist willingness to compromise met by Palestinian rejection and Jew hatred.

Jazz is not a 'form' but a collection of tags and tricks.

Look now how mortals are blaming the gods, for they say that evils come from us, but in fact they themselves have woes beyond their share because of their own follies.

I think that's part of the fun of being an actor - you get to not be normal all of the time.

I've always thought the back is one of the most beautiful parts of a woman.

I carry themes in my mind for years before I will try to compose them. I've got themes that will last me now 'til I die.

Meditation, perhaps, is the only alchemy that can transform a beggar into an emperor.

The principle of life is that life responds by corresponding; your life becomes the thing you have decided it shall be.

There are few persons of greater worth than their reputation; but how many are there whose worth is far short of their reputation!

By suffering God's will, we learn to do God's will.