I've never read a kayak manual, but I'm pretty sure page one says 'Use in water.'

I shot me a nice deer, and I hung it on the den wall in my house. My neighbor comes over and he says, Did you shoot that thing? I said, Nope. He ran through the wall and got stuck. Here's your sign.

There's a group in California that wants to make suicide a capital offense punishable by death. That's like punishing someone for being on a hunger strike by sending them to bed with no supper.

I just hate stupid people. They should have to wear signs that say 'I'm Stupid.' That way you wouldn't rely on them, and you wouldn't ask them for nothing.

I pulled the boy close to me and said you see that girl, thats my only lil girl. So if you think about huggin or kissin. Remember these words. I aint afraid to go back to prison.

That's why they're man's best friend. 'Cause guys want buddies that are dumber than they are. So do women, but they've already got men

Ma'am, when I got up this morning, I didn't want to be jackass. You just pushed my jackass button.

How about this, have you ever farted so hard you shivered?

In 1903 the Wright brothers invented airplanes, because in 1902 they took a road trip across the country with their family.

Yesterday, my son was out in the yard playing with his friend, and he hit his friend. I walked up to him, and I said, "Hey... We don't hit". He looked at me like, "Here's your sign, Dad".

Can someone explain to me why pilots feel they need to wake everyone to tell us that we are flying by a cloud that looks like a monkey.

Everyone appears to be courageous until bad weathers arrive, and then we know the true leaders.

Self confident is a sacred strength.

I think that even someone who got into an institution through affirmative action could prove they were qualified by what they accomplished there. Page 188

Liverpool are currently halfway through an unbeaten twelve-match run

For you and for me the highest moment, the keenest joy, is not when our minds dominate but when we lose our minds, and you and I both lose it in the same way, through love.

The moral faculties are generally and justly esteemed as of higher value than the intellectual powers.

It is flagrantly dishonest for an advertising agent to urge consumers to buy a product which he would not allow his own wife to buy.

I have this peculiar ability to be able to anticipate mouth movements on screen and fill them with words or sound.

[D]rilling and arming, when carried on on a national scale, excite whole populations to frenzies which end in war.

I never knew how much like heaven this world could be, when two people love and live for one another!