I've never read an article of clothing.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

And don't tell me the end justifies the means because it doesn't. We never reach the end. All we ever get is means. That's what we live with.

Saints preserve us, ' Dr. Kellen said, and squeezed Galen's shoulder. 'What have we done to our youth?

Let's not let our fear of dementia deepen our fear of dementia.

Like most Catholic boys, I wanted to be Jesus Christ. I could never get the turn-the-other-cheek thing down, though.

Society needs both justice and compassion, a head and a heart, if it is to be civilised.

As writers, we live very much in our own minds much of the time, buzzing in our unconscious spaces as we go about the business of living in the world.

Doesn't surprise me," Nana snorted. "I wouldn't put anything past your late husband." "He's not dead, Nana." Nana sighed. "Hope springs eternal.

Soon I'll be old and I've done precious little in this world for lack of time. I am always afraid I'll become senile before I've finished what I've undertaken.

Cheap is small and not too steep, best of all cheap is cheap.

If you are bombarded by so many thoughts in solitude, you are in ignorance. If you are calm even amidst a crowd then you are in knowledge.