I've no interest in fashion, shoes, handbags, or sweaty shopping.

By puberty I learned that nothing worth having could be easily attained and to succeed one must be single minded.

As long as we prioritize material truths over spiritual truths we will live in tyranny because we are living an illusion

You must not feel persecuted and examined. Liberate yourself from the idea that people are watching you.

The thing I thought about doing it was it's Comic Relief and you've got to be funny. So although I did try to sing properly it obviously has hilarious results when you can't sing.

People say you should read your criticism because it will make you a better person but it doesn't. It just makes you a sad bitter old showbiz nightmare.

I get fixated when I'm bleeding -- I can see why they went in for blood-letting in the medieval times because it makes you feel a bit better. When I cut myself, the drama of it calms me down.

A library doesn't need windows. A library is a window.

There are two types of people in this world: one who opens a packet of biscuits, has one and puts the rest back in the cupboard, and one who eats the whole packet in one go.

The bad-boy label is just an assumption.

There are 10-20 times more male comics than female comics; it's something to do with the social structure of society.

I am not only not going to be married, at present, but have very little intention of ever marrying at all.

Some programming languages manage to absorb change, but withstand progress.

Let there be a wide breadth of possible ways to create.

Eulogy is nice, but one does not learn anything from it.

I'm good friends with Jay Leno, good friends with Ed O'Neill, Melanie Fiona and Russell Simmons.

Tomorrow may be fair, however stormy the sky of today.

Hollywood gave us far more Muslim terrorists in the Eighties and Nineties than it has since 9/11.

The morality of art consists in the perfect use of an imperfect medium.

Never want to say anything so strongly that you give up the option of finding something better. If you have to say it, you will.

People should go about their daily lives, to work, to live, to travel, to shop, to do the things people did in the same way as they did them before 11 September.