I've often thought that my scruples about stealing books were the only thing that stood in the way of my being a really great scholar.

The English are polite by telling lies. The Americans are polite by telling the truth.

With sociology one can do anything and call it work

Culture is a way of coping with the world by defining it in detail.

You Liberals think that goats are just sheep from broken homes.

Here we have a saying: a good friend is someone who visits you when you are in prison. But a really good friend is someone who comes to hear your lectures.

If God had been a liberal, we wouldn't have had the Ten Commandments - we'd have the Ten Suggestions.

English history is all about men liking their fathers, and American history is all about men hating their fathers and trying to burn down everything they ever did.

On many American campuses the only qualification for admission was the ability actually to find the campus and then discover a parking space.

Marriage is the most advanced form of warfare in the modern world.

Only the old are innocent. That is what the Victorians understood, and the Christians. Original sin is a property of the young. The old grow beyond corruption very quickly.

A PhD does not automatically denote wisdom. Merely perseverance.

The light of God gives meaning to life

Who we are never changes. Who we think we are does.

Uncommon things that are attractive in women: a gap between the teeth... a unique fashion sense.... In MEN... a unique nose... or accents.

As soon as sacrifice becomes a duty and necessity to mankind. I see no limit to the horizon which opens before him.

A mind unruffled by the vagaries of fortune, from sorrow freed, from defilements cleansed, from fear liberated - this is the greatest blessing.

Detroit was really fun, FYI, in case anybody wants to go to Detroit. I love it. I did.

There's a generation of children who don't like black and white movies. There's a level of impatience or intolerance.

Anybody who wants to be an ambassador, wants to pay at least $250,000.

Are you placing enough interesting, freakish, long shot, weirdo bets?