I've retired a couple of times. It's great, because you can just say, 'Oh, I'm sorry. I'm retired.'

People are like music, some speak the truth and others are just noise.

Alcohol is really just the liquid version of Photoshop.

Whatever you do, always give 100%. Unless you're donating blood.

Friendship is so weird. You just pick a human you've met and you're like, 'Yep, I like this one,' and you just do stuff with them.

I'm a nut, but not just a nut.

Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.

You know how funerals are not for the dead, they’re for the living? Bachelor parties are not for the groom, they’re for the uncommitted.

You can tell how boring a person is by the lack of fear in their eyes when someone is flipping through photos on their phone.

Just beat my record for most consecutive days without dying.

The secret is to have a sense of yourself, your real self, your unique self. And not just once in a while, or once a day, but all through the day, the week and life.

And the waitress is practicing politicsAs the businessmen slowly get stonedYes, they're sharing a drink they call lonelinessBut its better than drinkin' alone

My mother was a teacher. She was grooming my brother and me to be successful, accomplished people.

If my legs are showing, the makeup artist adds a tiny amount of foundation to body lotion and rubs it in.

There is a difference between giving into something and accepting it.

It's a basic truth of the human condition that everybody lies. The only variable is about what.

Everyone experiences bouts of jealousy; but the dignified person conceals it, while the vulgar one acts upon it

To stay young, To save the world, Break the mirror.

All good ideas are terrible... Until people realize they are obvious. If you're not willing to live through the terrible stage, you'll never get to the obvious part.

The biggest thing is having a son. I got attached to him. Seeing him periodically is hard. Watching him grow up on pictures and videos is hard.

What comes next? Super Mario 128? Actually, that's what I want to do.