I've seen a lot of pairs of guys that have been hanging out together way too long-until they're laughing all the time.

They don't make you pay for the humor. It's up and down, but they're trying to give you as many laughs as possible in 2 minutes. They are the most honest comedians ever.

I went to a Catholic high school and it seemed like every time I drew something for a class project, it either got thrown away by the teacher or something.

I often feel that my life, much like my shows, will end on a cliffhanger.

When you work for other people you'll find ... that they do know what's best for them, and for the company. And you should listen to them and be respectful, but they don't know what's best for you.

Who is Mike Judge? Let me think. The only way I could possibly answer that question would be in a nonverbal fashion. I think I could do an interpretive dance that would answer that question for you.

It was really weird, when this thing started, to hear lawyers and MTV people calling me and actually saying 'ButtHead.' People tried to avoid it too.

They say it figures MTV would do such a vulgar, awful, horrible show and they completely miss that it's satirizing the people who watch MTV.

Why should every single character be an honor student who goes around helping others and never doing anything wrong? Is that like the rule or something?

I like the Stooges. You know what movie I saw that I sort of discovered late was Jerry Lewis in 'The Nutty Professor'. I really liked that.

I think I'm optimistic, yeah, especially in real life, but I think it's funny to be pessimistic.

Whining is not only graceless, but can be dangerous. It can alert a brute that a victim is in the neighborhood.

I have no will of my own. Never did. Limp and lily-livered, I always obey - is it possible that's attractive to women?

I don't need every answer. Just the right answer.

Yeah, save the idiots in government, definitely a priority. He didn't say it out loud, though.

...to invent is to discover that we know not, and not to recover or resummon that which we already know

It is ill changing the creed to meet each rising temptation. The soul is truer than it seems, and refuses to be trifled with.

It's always useful to be in big movies for one's career.

When you are 4-0 up you should never lose 7-1.

I ain't scared of the fall / I've felt the ground before.

We make every effort to see that our actions live up to our words and be vigilant with regards to our behavior.