I've seen people in theaters, and it just doesn't work, because you're talking to the guy next to you the whole time.

They say that if you're afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you're actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I'm afraid of dogs.

I don't know the difference between a hippie and a hipster but, it's fun to watch either one of them get beat up.

Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it's the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.

Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there's always beer.

When I hear a guy lost a battle to cancer, that really did bother me, that that's a term. It implies that he failed and that somebody else that defeated cancer is heroic and courageous.

I'm thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.

You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don't care for him.

You ever see 'The Dating Game'? That's a weird game show. The prize on that show: another contestant. Talk about cheap.

The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.

I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.

Horror is a feeling that cannot last long human nature is incapable of supporting it.

I have learned the novice can often see things that the expert overlooks. All that is necessary is not to be afraid of making mistakes, or of appearing naive.

Boys like Peter are afraid of alot of things, like nuclear annihilation and flunking algebra, but they're not afraid of wolves.

I'd rather have a strong career, playing and selling records to a loyal audience, then having one record that exploded. That would be devastating.

If God has given you a message, go and give it to the people as God has given it to you. It is a stupid thing to try to be eloquent.

It was a tough school. The kids on the debating team took steroids!

Life comes before literature, as the material always comes before the work. The hills are full of marble before the world blooms with statues.

I have Dalinian thought: the one thing the world will never have enough of is the outrageous.

It never occurred to me to say no.

I was bored to death and thinking more about the minibar and the after-show party than the performance.