I've traveled the world and been about everywhere you can imagine. There's not anything I'm scared of except my wife.

My swing is so bad I look like a caveman killing his lunch.

Pressure is playing for ten dollars when you don't have a dime in your pocket.

Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.

You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work.

I'm going to win so much money this year, my caddie will make the top twenty money-winners list.

The older I get, the better I used to be.

You're Mexican until you make money and then you're Spanish.

I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced.

If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron.

There are two things you can do with your head down - play golf and pray.

People were usually much better in their letters than in reality. They were much like poets in this way.

Parisians were not easy to engage in conversation. Perhaps that was why the Resistance had been so successful.

Some People are Tired of Being Stupid But they Cant Stop Being Stupid Because They are Already Stupid.

We don't get harmony when everybody sings the same note. Only notes that are different can harmonize. The same is true with people.

God's mill grinds slow but sure.

Sleep - kinsman thou to death and trance and madness.

If Botticelli were alive today he'd be working for Vogue.

I have a child to feed and a spirit that can't be crushed, so I'm able to move ahead.

God commands you to pray, but forbids you to worry.

It isn't that I don't like sweet disorder, but it has to be judiciously arranged.