I've written three books you could think of as memoirs.

I never eat in a restaurant that's over a hundred feet off the ground and won't stand still.

Many Texas barbecue fanatics have a strong belief in the beneficial properties of accumulated grease.

The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.

The shelf life of the average trade book is somewhere between milk and yogurt.

As far as I'm concerned, 'whom' is a word that was invented to make everyone sound like a butler.

Perhaps we've time to have a look at the Number Thirty-One bus queue before we turn in.

I'm in favor of liberalizing immigration because of the effect it would have on restaurants. I'd let just about everybody in except the English.

Every good idea sooner or later degenerates into hard work.

Did you know that five out of three people have trouble with fractions.

I never did very well in math - I could never seem to persuade the teacher that I hadn't meant my answers literally.

As you lay yourself down to sleep tonight, think of something you are grateful for. Bless someone who was kind to you, and forgive someone who wasn't.

If people knew you, they would love you." He sounds matter-of-fact.Josh, you break my heart. And you're a liar.Because you know me, you know me better than almost anybody, and you don't love me.

Impossible is a word only to be found in the dictionary of fools.

Expressing truth is hard work.

Like any well designed software product, Windows is designed, developed and tested as an integrated whole.

Start writing the things that you are reading or that you want to be published doing.

It is high time that we realized that it is pointless to praise the light and preach it if nobody can see it. It is much more needful to preach the art of seeing.

married was the loneliest I got - being without the one you're with.

The only reason for doing a play is to make a statement about it, and by that I don't mean a conceit of the producer.

I've known Chevy Chase for so long, I actually knew him when he was funny!