I very carefully levered up an eyelid and shut it again fast. A merciless sunbeam had squirted straight in, making my brain bleed.

It will be a sad day for the world when the Oriental gent realizes that Western bumbling is only Eastern guile in a different idiom. Well, a lot of it, anyway.

I never think of policemen's wives; their beauty maddens me like wine.

Why do people build houses to keep the climate out, then cut holes in the walls to let it in again? I shall never understand.

To be on foot in the United States is only immoral, not illegal.

Some of my best friends are women, ' I snapped, 'though I certainly wouldn't want my daughter to marry one of them.

You take all the fun out of life for me, Nik. You know that?" Aiden- Blood Hunger (Deathless Night Series #1)

Your only real problem is mortality! No religion can solve this problem, but science can do!

The poor schlemiel is a man who falls on his back and breaks his nose.

fashion has always been a little slow in accommodating large women. ... We're not asking for philanthropy here. Wake up, we're fat, we like nice clothes, and we've got cash.

Even if I wanted to run for Ethiopia, I wouldn't expect the government or federation to choose me to do that.

It's just such a great miracle when things do work, and they work for such a wild variety of crazy reasons.

If Christ does not appear to meet his 144,000 faithful shortly after midnight on February 6th or 7th, it means that my calculations, based on the Bible, must be revised.

It seems to me that the soul, when alone with itself and speaking to itself, uses only a small number of words, none of them extraordinary.

We break our promises to one another. We break our promises to God. But God never breaks His promises to us.

You great benefactors, sprinkle our society with thankfulness. For your own gifts, make yourselves praised.