I visit Fox News every now and again, and it's nice, because the Eye of Mordor is above the building.

You can truly grieve for every officer who's been lost in the line of duty in this country, and still be troubled by cases of police overreach.

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!

We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea.

Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.

I've always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and the food.

Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.

I really like to put my name on everything, so my roommate doesn't steal it. It's really a throwback to that.

I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over.

If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime.

When one has once fully entered the realm of love, the world — no matter how imperfect — becomes rich and beautiful, it consists solely of opportunities for love.

Dating is like nightfall--there's got to be a mourning after.

To feel envy is human, to savour schadenfreude is devilish.

Overcoming fear is the first step to success for entrepreneurs. The winners all exemplify that, and the hard work and commitment they have shown underlines what is needed to set up a business.

I had a bad stutter when I was really young. I couldn't get a sentence out. Like, 'D-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-ad.' And that turned into a mumble.

We should praise, rather, the courage of the player who, relying only on his intuition, plunges into a brilliant combination of which the issue does not appear to him too clear.

Even though people may be well known they still hold in their hearts the emotions of a simple person for the moments that are the most important of those we know on earth - birth, marriage, death.

If you show people how much you care and ask questions in a non threatening way, you'll be amazed by how much they'll tell you.

The two greatest priorities for my government are tackling tax evasion and corruption.

Power stems from 'rainmaking,' as law firms put it: the ability to bring resources into the company.