I vote Democrat because I believe liberal judges need to rewrite the Constitution every few days to suit fringe kooks who would never get their agendas past the voters.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

Whether I'm running, working, relating, parenting, learning - whatever I'm doing, I want to surround myself with people who push me.

..you do not leave a library; if you do what it wants you to do, you are taking it with you.

All alone by the telephone.

To be successful for a moment because of one movie doesn't mean anything.

There is always a moment in the pyramid of our lives when the apex is reached.

When a sense of dissatisfaction persists, that means it was placed there by God for one reason only: you need to change everything and move forward.

Is virtue something that can be taught?

I didn't hang any pictures in my office for a year because I thought that I would be jinxing myself and have to take them down the next day.

It is a terrible thing for an old woman to outlive her dogs.

It’s time to close the books on infectious diseases, declare the war against pestilence won, and shift national resources to such chronic problems as cancer and heart disease.