I vote Democrat because I believe oil companies profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene, but the government taxing the same gallon at 15% isn't.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

To me, Mother Nature isn't nearly as scary as human nature.

There is no logic in logics except an illogical logic.

Make one person happy each day and in forty years you will have made 14,600 human beings happy for a little time at least.

A lie is a lie... unless your friends and family are in on it. Then it's a "commonly held belief."

America is still a country of choices and options. And I have a lot of them.

Age only matters when one is aging. Now that I have arrived at a great age, I might as well be twenty.

Physicians had gone to their graves calling Pasteur a liar, a fool, or worse—without examining evidence which their “common sense” told them was impossible.

The steam of meat darkens the light of the spirit...One hardly can have virtue when one enjoys meat meals and feasts.

As a matter of fact, there is no trace of ill-health in Me. I am always healthy. Not only today, till 96 years I will be like this.

Love is familiar. Love is a devil. There is no evil angel but Love." -