I wanna design a video game where you'd have to take care of all the people shot in all the other video games.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

All this visible greatness was really one with Nineveh and Tyre.

If you are bored it is only because you are a boring person.

Only amazing designers think of the truly new.

God is more ready to forgive me than I am ready to offend.

A committee should consist of three men, two of whom are absent.

It's really fun to be writing and producing your own sketches. You almost have more control.

I think the goal is in general to broaden my fans' perspectives and their horizons. Not to be cliché. But to introduce them to things that they may not have introduced to themselves.

The sad truth about humanity...is that people believe what they're told. Maybe not the first time, but by the hundredth time, the craziest of ideas just becomes a given.

The door of conciliation and compromise is finally closed by our adversaries, and it remains only to us to meet the conflict with the dignity and firmness of men worthy of freedom.

It is love of my fan's that always makes me stand firm.