I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

You became the sonnet that was etched in my minds eye. Existing outside the dreams we shared in the presence of our eternal love.

Live happy in lovingkindness.

I have coveted everything and taken pleasure in nothing

If loving you is wrong, then I'll just like you a whole bunch!

I don't believe that there's a silver bullet, that if you just do this one thing, you solve the problems of the world.

You can't get back what you've lost, What's important now is "What is it that you still have. —Jimbei

From dwarf tossing to drug taking: The legislator has no place in voluntary exchanges between consenting adults, as dodgy and as dangerous as these might be.

The last capitalist we hang shall be the one who sold us the rope.

A dream without a plan is just a wish

This is the type of arrant pedantry up with which I will not put.