I want to do an 'Extreme Makeover' show. You know that MTV show 'I Want To Have A Famous Face'? Well, I want to do a new show. I want to have a different famous face.

I was one of the first veejays to take the camera out on location, and that's what was unique about MTV at that time.

I kind of was raised at The Comedy Store by comedians. When you see my dad on stage before me and then you see me, you'll see where I got a lot of my stuff.

Serious and intense people, they drain you. But someone who's an idiot, like myself, they're fun. You either hate me or you love me.

Whenever someone dies everyone says, I love that guy, except for Jeffrey Dahmer.

My mom is two people to me. She's my mom number one, and then she's this lady most comedians know as being a legendary owner of a nightclub that's responsible for starting a lot of heavy careers.

I liked Evel Knievel, and that game Mouse Trap. That was pretty cool.

I giggle when I put myself down. It's just funny to me.

Comedy wasn't something I chose - it chose me.

I'm not used to getting good reviews.

When you're a kid, all you really care about are Slurpees and Slip N Slide and riding your bike, and that's what I did.

It was one of those happy days that God grants us sometimes on earth to give us an idea of the bliss of heaven.

I like clean-cut, very proper, very elegant looks.

A woman's always younger than a man at equal years.

Obama's major accomplishment is himself. This can be an effective argument to make to undecided voters and something Obama has to artfully address.

When you realize how perfect [or at least better than it could be] everything is, you will tilt your head back and laugh at the sky.

a fat Reichian wife screeching over potatoes Get a job! And five nose running brats in love with Batman

Do a little more each day than you think you possibly can.

Films can only be made by by-passing the will of those who appear in them, using not what they do, but what they are.

Someone would have to keep his wits, and he had assumed automatically that since Fezzik had so few, he would find retaining them not all that difficult.

People think that the politician is just part of a system, and whether they're lying or not doesn't matter.