I want to have fun. Life ain't no dress rehearsal. I want to have fun. I'm a comedian; I ain't no politician. So everything I do is with humor, with love.

When I get a chance to play golf or go on a boat with good people, take the boat out and put some lobsters on the grill, get the ice-cold beer and the cigars - that's heaven here on earth.

Whatever you hear at the barber shop, stays at the barber shop.

Whatever success I've had, I always like to top it.

You can't change what happened. Just like you can't change the future by worrying about it. You just have to keep moving.

When it comes to raising children, I believe in give and take. I give orders and they take 'em.

I'm not afraid to fail. Sometimes when you lose, you win. Sometimes when you win, you lose.

I can't build myself by beating somebody down.

Suffering is a good teacher. It keeps you in its grip until you've learned your lesson.

If you mess something up, remember who got you there. Don't be pointing fingers, even if finger-pointing is called for. Only one you got to blame is your own self.

You know you poor when you eatin' breakfast food late. You fryin' toast? At nine o'clock at night? With bacon? You're broke.

The journey to loving ourselves doesn’t mean we like everything.

Probably no one alive hasn't at one time or another brooded over the possibility of going back to an earlier ideal age in his existence and living a different kind of life.

But I wasn't a bad girl. I don't want to be forgotten. I want people to remember me.

Multiculturalism means your kid has to learn some wretched tribal dirge for the school holiday concert instead of getting to sing 'Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.'

A banker is a person who is willing to make you a loan if you present sufficient evidence to show you don't need it.

My love is selfish. I cannot breathe without you.

It's hard to escape when your hobby is your job.

The number of laws is constantly growing in all countries and, owing to this, what is called crime is very often not a crime at all, for it contains no element of violence or harm.

Try to maintain the perspective that, in time, everything disintegrates and returns to its initial form.

Let's keep refusing to accept the world as it is and insisting on building the world we dream of. Don't let the haters have the last word.