I want to ride in a cold air balloon. "This isn't going anywhere!"

I want to rob a bank with a BB gun. "Give me all your money or I will give you a dimple! I will be rich, you will be cute. We both win."

A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.

I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it.

I wanted to get a tape recorder, but I got a parrot instead. I think I did that joke backwards.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

My roommate says, "I'm going to take a shower and shave. Does anyone need to use the bathroom?" It's like some weird quiz where he reveals the answer first.

Spaghetti... I can't eat spaghetti, there's too many of them. No matter how hungry I am, 1,000 of something is too many. I'll have 1,000 pieces of noodles.

Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down.

Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults.

I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality.

The higher power, mighty God!

When you unlock your pleasure, you unlock your power. And that can change anything..." -Sheerah, Donny and Ursula Save the World.

I think it's time for the Army to understand that power should be enshrined in the people if we are to be a genuine democracy and not in any particular institution or organisation.

Investing in tomorrow's technology today is more critical than ever.

The chief evil is unlimited government, and nobody is qualified to wield unlimited power.

If you know how to do a job very well, you keep doing it.

All kids want from their dad is for them to be around - and to show up when they say they're going to show up.

They know these mornings well and love them desperately because they cannot last - these people who know that nothing lasts.

All the idols made by man, however terrifying they may be, are in point of fact subordinate to him, and that is why he will always have it in his power to destroy them.

My mother had a premonition and she felt that hairdressing would be very very good for me.