I want to show people that there's a side of myself other than just the outrageous comedian.

I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.

I called a detox center - just to see how much it would cost: $13,000 for three weeks! My friends, if you can come up with thirteen grand, you don't have a problem yet.

There's no happy ending to cocaine. You either die, you go to jail, or else you run out.

Obviously I'm not a role model for impressionable youth.

Every generation has someone who steps outside the norm and offers a voice for the unspeakable attitudes of that time. I represent everything that's supposed to be wrong, everything that's forbidden.

It occurred to me that there wouldn't be world hunger, if you people would MOVE WHERE THE FOOD IS!!!

Real comedy doesn't just make people laugh and think, but makes them laugh and change.

If I get married again, I want a guy there with a drum to do rimshots during the vows.

Lick the alphabet. It makes you appear creative, it's an easy diagram to remember, it's like "aaaaa.... beeeee.... ceeee.

Folks, I've been straight for seventeen days... Not all in a row.

Innate human tendencies were meant to help us survive the wilderness, not make investment decisions.

I sighed immersed in a sleeping sea. A ripple that turned into waves and then storm, stirring and blending our troubled waters

If you make friends with yourself you will never be alone.

I love traveling, but I hate planes.

The Bronx are great. I have a lot of respect for those guys, they know more about music and how that world works than most of the players out there.

A good athlete always mentally replays a competition over and over, even in victory, to see what might be done to improve the performance the next time.

Innocence, Once Lost, Can Never Be Regained. Darkness, Once Gazed Upon, Can Never Be Lost.

Cancer is a scary thing and you have to deal with it seriously.

What cannot be changed cannot be blamed.