I wanted to be a comedian, and this is what I'm doing. If I can keep this going, I'm happy.

I don't want to die tomorrow knowing I could've had a piece of cake tonight.

There's 5 levels of fatness! Fluffy is one of the levels. There's big, healthy, husky, fluffy and damn.

Why do people measure life by the years instead of how good the years were?

I drink diet coke so I can eat regular cake.

Me racist? The only race I hate is the one you have to run.

Life is measured by how you lived it, not by the years.

With all the classes they offer at school, how come they don't have one for common sense?

When you go to Hawaii, it's all about "Aloha." It means hello, goodbye and I love you.

You live by the cake, you die by the cake.

I had to travel half way across the world to be called an American.

He lived at a little distance from his body, regarding his own acts with doubtful side-glasses.

Can you look at a flower without thinking?

There is a magic in walking alone, in thinking alone: If there is no one to contact you around, the universe starts contacting you!

Kids all want to look cool, as if knowledge is a great burden, but they're always looking around. They remember.

I worry about anthropomorphism as a form of self-deception. (The Christian religion is an anthropomorphic account of the universe.)

Whole class of filmmakers, they're all graduating to a new level of filmmaking, which I think is awesome.

Philanthropy is commendable, but it must not cause the philanthropist to overlook the circumstances of economic injustice which make philanthropy necessary.

In Indiana, the Affordable Care Act will raise the average cost of health insurance in the individual market by an unaffordable 72 percent.

I have often thought that the difference between a cult and a religion is an IRS ruling.

Not every man remembers the name of the cow which supplied him with each drop of milk he has drunk.