I wanted to be a veterinarian for about a week of my life when I was a kid. But I found out about the whole euthanasia thing and I said, I can't commit to that, sorry!

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

I know this sounds strange, but as a kid, I was really shy. Painfully shy. The turning point was freshman year, when I was the biggest geek alive. No one, I mean no one, even talked to me.

My soul is not contained within the limits of my body; my body is contained within the limitlessness of my soul.

I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it's not the answer.

Life opens up opportunities to you, and you either take them or you stay afraid of taking them.

150 people die every year from being hit by falling coconuts. Not to worry, drug makers are developing a vaccine.

Flowers don't worry about how they're going to bloom. They just open up & turn toward the light & that makes them beautiful.

I got a lot of support from my parents. That's the one thing I always appreciated. They didn't tell me I was being stupid; they told me I was being funny.

Ever since I started to get recognition I've picked out certain fans and reverse-stalked them.

Everything you gain in life will rot and fall apart, and all that will be left of you is what was in your heart.

Pain fuels artistry and creativity. Harness your suffering and become a master of your art.

Hunters will tell you that a moose is a wily and ferocious forest creature. Nonsense. A moose is a cow drawn by a three-year-old.

Everyone is a bore to someone. That is unimportant. The thing to avoid is being a bore to oneself.

The greatest efforts of the race have always been traceable to the love of praise as the greatest catastrophes to the love of pleasure.

I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

In the marketplace, small businesses are the face and voice of humanity, which provides them with a great advantage in the Age of the Customer.

Can the plural possessive express the feelings in your heart? If you don't learn art now, you will never learn to breathe!

If you compromise and hire someone mediocre you will always regret it.

I never go easy on kids when I play board games. The sooner they learn what the consequence of entering a competition is, the better. If they win, I punch them in the face like any adult.

Two sure ways to fail- Think and never do or do and never think.