I wanted to do a show based on what my life would be like if I had never become a comedian.

When I did Comic Relief, I did it to be on the show; it's a badge of honor as a comedian to do that show.

Even when people are rich and successful on TV shows, there's always some trouble - you have to poke holes in them, throw them out of a job, put a pie in the face.

Learn how to set goals. That's the key to everything. That includes designing your own success. You define what the goal is, it's not somebody else's goal, it's yours.

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar.

I'm a big believer in overcoming and achieving and doing things and not feeling sorry for yourself.

I love the normalcy of Cleveland. There's regular people there.

There's no way I can justify my salary level, but I'm learning to live with it.

You say tomato, I say bourbon and coke.

Things don't make me nearly as happy as talking and having a beer with my friends. And that's something everyone can do.

Liquor prohibition led to the rise of organized crime in America, and drug prohibition has led to the rise of the gang problems we have now.

Art is a consciousness-provoking vessel.

Bad things do happen in the world, like war, natural disasters, disease. But out of those situations always arise stories of ordinary people doing extraordinary things.

I see myself in the mold of Rin Tin Tin. It didn't go to his head either.

I think we need to move to the moons of Mars and learn how to control robots that are on the surface. It's not the impatient way of getting there, but Mars has been there a long time.

I like the old-school Warner Bros. Looney Tunes cartoons. I'm talking Wile E. Coyote, Road Runner, Bugs Bunny and Marvin the Martian!

The thing I remember about New York was how little I felt. I arrived with one small bag and $15.

Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising, Just be true to who you are

No one has developed active tuberculosis.

The Divine does not like to be shut up in a building. The Divine likes to be out in the open. It is right here in this very body. Each one of us is a miniature universe, a living shrine.

How deep the Father's love for us, How vast beyond all measure That He should give His only Son To make a wretch His treasure.