I wanted to take up music, so my father bought me a blunt instrument. He told me to knock myself out.

My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings

I'm on performance enhancing drugs, so I may cause drowsiness.

My girlfriend bought me a down jacket, she said it fit my personality.

My whole family is lactose intolerant and when we take pictures we can't say cheese.

I'm convinced my cockroaches have military training, I set off a roach bomb - they diffused it.

They asked me what I thought about euthanasia. I said I'm more concerned about the adults.

I don't need to worry about identity theft because no one wants to be me.

I went to an audition the other day, they were casting 13 people to be clouds, 14 people showed up, it was overcast.

I told my therapist I was having nightmares about nuclear explosions. He said don't worry it's not the end of the world.

It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes

Establish a system of rewards and punishments

learn to experience and learn to respect, i love my culture and i respect iti m proud to be Xhosa

I'm sure that there are places in the deserts in Australia that could be similar to where we might want to go on Mars.

I wondered if I would talk about drug use. But I guess, why hide it?

There is no such thing as an ideal man. The ideal man is the man you love at the moment.

No part of Italian society should see itself as exempt from the effort to save Italy from collapse.

Normally our season is seven weeks in the Drama Theatre and four weeks in the Opera Theater.

And endless are the modes of speech, and far Extends from side to side the field of words.

I'm pretty outdoorsy. My family used to live in the hills in the middle of nowhere pretty much. We literally used to have bow and arrows and air rifles and were throwing knives.

Life rejuvenates and acquires energy when it multiplies: It is enriched, not impoverished.