I was a bartender at a Pizzeria Uno's for nine years. The people I worked with were amazing, but it was quite possibly the most miserable time of my life.

I steal props from SNL a great deal. Almost every sketch Im in, I try to grab something from it, so I have a storage space full of props.

My mom makes something called green pie, which I thought was a delicacy that many people only had at Thanksgiving, but it turns out it was just Jell-O with whipped cream on it. And it's delicious.

When I was at Upright Citizens Brigade, I would pretend to be a sad, drunk rapper.

In my mind, not in real life. My rap name will be Optimus Rhymes. Or the Notorious B.o.B.

These days with the web, you can burn out a character really quick.

Me, Billy Crystal and John Goodman hang out non-stop, and all we do is silly voices. We hang out in a little closet and do voices together.

If you watched 'Lost,' sometimes the episodes were crazy good and sometimes you're like, "That one was just sorta there."

I'm not very big on politics. I'm a comedian and not that smart. I don't have the mind capacity for it.

I'm very wary with impressions - I don't think I'm very good at impressions, I hate doing them.

I'm very bad with music. I don't know any new music. I've listened to the same 10 or 12 albums my whole life.

Create hell and people will be impatient to get there, just out of curiosity

Clever gimmicks of mass distraction yield a cheap soulcraft of addicted and self-medicated narcissists.

It's not like I'm an introvert. You get to know me, I can have a conversation with you. But in front of the media, I'm probably more of a quiet guy.

Always shoot it now. It won't be the same when you go back.

I'm going to have fans and I'm going to have people who don't like everything I do. All I can really do is go to work and do my job.

It is commonly seene by experience, that excellent memories do rather accompany weake judgements.

The law of unintended consequences pushes us ceaselessly through the years, permitting no pause for perspective.

A little and a little, collected together, becomes a great deal; the heap in the barn consists of single grains, and drop and drop make the inundation.

I love my friends. They're my family.

Sin met Mae and Alan coming into the flat. Mae frowned. "Is it no-shirts festival day?" "Every day with Nick is no-shirts festival day," Alan said absently, but he was frowning too.