I was a comedian in Russia, and I worked on the cruise ships there. I met a lot of Americans, and they were laughing even though I didn't speak their language.

In Russia we only had two TV channels. Channel One was propaganda. Channel Two consisted of a KGB officer telling you: Turn back at once to Channel One.

I believe that laughter is a language of God and that we can all live happily ever laughter.

Everybody laughs the same in every language because laughter is a universal connection.

In every country, they make fun of city. In U.S. you make fun of Cleveland. In Russia, we make fun of Cleveland.

In America, you break law. In Soviet Russia, law breaks you! In America, you watch Big Brother. In Soviet Russia, Big Brother watch you!

In America, you can always find a party. In Soviet Russia, The Party can always find you!

It's kind of bittersweet. The human spirit is not measured by the size of the act, but by the size of the heart.

I like American women. They do things sexually Russian girls never dream of doing - like showering.

Men and women are immigrants in each other's worlds.

I found out that when you get married the man becomes the head of the house. And the woman becomes the neck, and she turns the head any way she wants to.

GrayG: I feel like I can tell you anything.IvyMac: You can. That's what friends do.GrayG: I've never been friends with a girl before.IvyMac: I'm honored to be your first.

I think people have all faced decisions at times where you never know.

Patience, then, believer, eternity will right the wrongs of time.

When there's trouble I don't like running, but I'm afraid I got more in common with who I was, than who I am becoming

Every need whose true satisfaction is denied leads by necessity to faith.

Education is not a way to escape poverty, it is a way of fighting it.

The end never comes when you think it will. It's always ten steps past the worst moment, then a weird turn to the left.

I think the most liberating thing I did early on was to free myself from any concern with my looks as they pertained to my work.

Usually it's a pretty calculated, sustained, and slow process by which you develop something. The effect can be one of spontaneity, but that's part of the artistry.

Art is no crime. It's every artist's responsibility to make art that is meaningful