I was a cute baby. My mom said when I was born they threw away the mold. Some of it grew back.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.

My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.

I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.

I've learned that you can't make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they'll panic and give in.

People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'

Saying that someone is full of themselves is silly. Who else can one be full of … except self?

Our imperfections are what create authentic connections with one another.

You can give without loving but you cannot love without giving.

Are the gods not just?' 'Oh no, child. What would become us us if they were?

America is a place where we all come together. It is a place of consensus.

A master should be paid liberally, in order to secure a person properly qualified.

If I have children, after school they'll always feel happy energy in the home.

Teacher: What do you want to be when you grow up? Marji: I'll be a prophet.

Money at the service of life can be managed in the right way by cooperatives, on condition that it is a real cooperative where capital does not have command over men but men over capital.

I will take my coffee black / never snack / hang with the wolves who are sheepish.