I was a failed actor but I still wanted to show off, so I ended up doing live comedy.

A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.

The only people who are desperate to go on the show are people we're desperate not to have on the show.

I always say I'd rather be miserable by myself than unhappy in a relationship.

I don't think I've got bad taste. I've got no taste.

I am really bad at actually interviewing people.

In my experience the difference between a straight and a bisexual is about four pints

I bet Maurice Gibb's heart monitor was singing the tune of Stayin' Alive.

A comedian's a comedian. They're a very kind of cynical bunch. I guess that's why I like them.

The BBC is a victim of its own independence.

I have nothing to say about my childhood. It was a perfectly pleasant upbringing - it's not like it was unhappy or anything.

Any good music must be an innovation.

I don't know anything anymore

Someone mentioned therapy to me once. I read a book instead. ~ Drew Stirling

We should not so much esteem our poverty as a misfortune, were it not that the world treats it so much as a crime

You cannot learn to skate without making yourself ridiculous - the ice of life is slippery.

Iraq is a manufactured conflict for the sake of geopolitical dominance in the area.

Paradoxically, the more deeply one grows in enlightenment, the more clearly one discerns one's own frailties and limitations.

A lot of people feel that there is less artistry involved in cartoon making unless they have painstaking control of each frame.

Every village has its simpleton, and if one does not exist they invent one to pass the time.

Generally, I tend to despise human behavior rather than human creatures.