I was a mother's boy.

Italians are fantastic people, really. They can work you over in an alley while singing an opera.

No matter where you go in this world, you will always find a Jew sitting in the beach chair next to you.

I think if I took therapy, the doctor would quit. He'd just pick up the couch and walk out of the room.

When you enter a room, you have to kiss his ring. I don't mind, but he has it in his back pocket.

When you stand alone and sell yourself, you can't please everyone. But when you're different, you can last.

Who picks your clothes - Stevie Wonder?

I always rib people, but nobody ever gives me a hard time. I don't know why. Maybe they're afraid of what I might say. There's probably a lesson in that somewhere, but I don't know what it is.

Yeah, I make fun of blacks, and why not? I'm not a black.

I used to play golf. I wanted to be a better player, but after a while I realized I'd always stink. And that's when I really started to enjoy the game.

Some people say funny things - but I say things funny.

You might be afraid of the dark, but the dark is not afraid of you. That’s why the dark is always close by.

Remind yourself of how awesome you are by celebrating your experiences and moments.

Remember! Reality's an illusion, the universe is a hologram, buy gold! Byeeee!

The Christmas story has such power and such appeal every year. There are other stories we get tired of. You think of your favorite movie you don't want to watch it 15 times.

I could not have known then that everybody, every person, has to leave, has to change like seasons; they have to or they die. The seasons remind me that I must keep changing.

Politicians are notoriously economically illiterate. And even when they know what would be the right thing, we don't really expect them to do it.

You should always know when you're shifting gears in life. You should leave your era - it should never leave you.

As I mentioned, things were particularly hard during the Depression. My paternal grandfather was frequently out of work, and the family was evicted from their home.

Everyone makes mistakes - mistakes are correctable.