I was a normal kid. I rebelled. But I've never been a liberal. And there have been all kinds of efforts to make me one. I've not bothered to tell any of these stories. Folks, we all face them.

If Thomas Jefferson thought taxation without representation was bad, he should see how it is with representation.

Poverty is not the root cause of crime.

Liberals attempt through judicial activism what they cannot win at the ballot box.

We're not sexists, we're chauvinists - we're male chauvinist pigs, and we're happy to be because we think that's what men were destined to be. We think that's what women want.

End results that work that don’t involve government threaten liberals.

You know why there's a Second Amendment? In case the government fails to follow the first one.

Styrofoam and plastic milk jugs are biodegradable! Do you know what isn't biodegradable? Paper!

I think cigars are just a tremendous addition to the enjoyment of life.

The NAACP should have riot rehearsal. They should get a liquor store and practice robberies.

In a country of children where the option is Santa Claus or work, what wins?

If happy I can be I will, if suffer I must I can.

Should we try to account for all the gifts of life there would be no time for distress and uneasiness.

Being an American is something I wanted to be for a very long time, probably since I saw the moon landing when I was a child.

Bad language is a stage all children go through, and it dies with time when they learn they're not attracting attention with it.

I love Israel for its blue and white flag as it matches my legs.

I went up to Meryl Streetp and said 'I love you so much I want to tongue kiss you' And she said 'OK'.

I've always loved pigs: the shape of them, the look of them, and the fact that they are so intelligent.

Drop it like it's hot.

Do not imagine that I would disregard that thing that lies beneath the mask... but be sure that when the outside is rightly seen, the thing that lies under the surface will be found upon your canvas.

We live in an age in which there is no heroic death.