I was a stonehead for 30 years. I'd wake up in the morning and if I couldn't decide whether I wanted a joint or not, I'd smoke a joint to figure it out. And I stayed high all day long.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another

Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.

Twitter is a vessel that we can use to share #positivity to others through our timeline one tweet at a time.

‎Man is never his emotions and that all feelings are ephemeral- that no one is truly genuinely ecstatic, sad, angry or passionately in love forever, which means emotions are never to be trusted.

The more varied the environments in which you exercise your leadership gift, the stronger that gift will become. You will become a far more effective leader.

The deliberative sense of the community should govern.

The light of Heaven restore; Give me to see, and Ajax asks no more.

People thought I was dead. But I wasn't. I was just directing "The A-Team."

If a woman seeks education it is probably because her sexual apparatus is malfunctioning.

Almost all paleontologists recognize that the discovery of a complete transition is in any case unlikely.

Since I've learned to be silent, everything has come so much closer to me.

We may be well on our way to a society overrun by hordes of lawyers, hungry as locusts, and brigades of judges in numbers never before contemplated.