I was a young person once, shortly after the polar ice caps retreated, and I distinctly recall believing that virtually all adults were clueless goobers.

You should definitely visit the Louvre, a world-famous art museum where you can view, at close range, the backs of thousands of other tourists trying to see the Mona Lisa.

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.

Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

A stone is heavy and the sand is weighty

We need not be afraid of the future, for the future will be in our own hands.

I guess I would say first of all that we tend to go back to the 60s and we tend to see these struggles and these goals in a relatively static way.

You have no chance at getting a rebound unless you make it.

Self-esteem and self-contempt have specific odors; they can be smelled.

Well British pension funds have not been investing the savings of British people in British infrastructure.

I cried at my son's sports day, for God's sake. I'm a huge baby

I can empathize with President [George Bush]. I know what it feels like having a young guy waiting around for you to keel over.

When I asked him how long he had been driving a taxi, he said, Dree mouse.

Grant us brotherhood, not only for this day but for all our years - a brotherhood not of words but of acts and deeds.