I was an altar boy as a kid. And the answer is no.

I used to think I was a little unstable, and then I met every girl I've ever dated.

Saturday night is perfect for writers because other people have "plans.

What I really need is a woman who loves me for my money but doesn't understand math.

The key to eating healthy is not eating any food that has a TV commercial.

Falling in love is a completely transcendent experience. It's like eating pizza-flavored ice cream

Dopamine is a chemical released in your brain and your body when you sleep that paralyzes your body so you don't act out your dreams.

The one thing you're most reluctant to tell. That's where the comedy is.

I love pizza so much, I would marry pizza, but it would just be an elaborate ploy to eat her whole family at the reception.

Creepy people do the things that decent people want to do, but have decided are not a great idea.

It was a hard name having growing up as a child. Some kids would call me names like "Birbiglebug" and "Birbibliography" and "Faggot". Some were more clever than others.

My mind knows what is right, but my flesh is at war against my spirit?

It is a positive change that our country and other countries in the region are making by giving a chance to women.

Breakin' in cribs with a crowbar I wasn't poor, I was po', I couldn't afford the 'o-r'

The name of a successor is like the tolling of my own death-bell!

I know that our country is strongest when we lead the world, when we lead strong alliances. And that's the way Eisenhower and Reagan and Kennedy and others did it.

I'm a trisexual. I'll try anything once.

We wanted a supporting cast that would appeal to Baby Boomers who grew up in the fifties.

A heavenly awe overshadowed and encompassed, as it still ought, and must, all earthly business whatsoever.

The liberty to make our laws does not give us the freedom nor the license to break our laws!

My first job after my retirement from baseball was as a narrator for the Eastman Philharmonica.