I was at the breakfast table this morning and I read in the newspaper that more and more adults are living at home with their parents. That surprised me, I was like Mom did you read this?

You know what's fun? You pick somebody at random, like out of the phone book, and send them about 100 'Just Because' cards. They can't even ask you why you did it.

Go my favorite sports team go! Score a goal. Unit. Basket. Go squadron! Defeat the opponents soundly in this...skirmish.

I think the serving size of ice cream is when you hear the spoon hit the bottom of the container.

If you were to second guess your decision to book some time to visit an Indian community, that would be a reservation reservation reservation.

A formula for comedy is comedy equals tragedy plus time. A difficult or uncomfortable situation takes place, and then you laugh about it later down the road.

The big yellow one is the sun!

Racquetball is the only sport where simultaneously you can be looking at the ball and it'll hit you in the back of the head at 90 miles per hour.

I hate getting off the elevator on the wrong floor? Anyone ever do that... and then you have to turn around and face those people. I feel like I owe everyone in there an explanation.

If Einstein was so smart how come people only call you 'Einstein' when you do something really stupid ?

Why are people getting on elevators shocked to find people getting off elevators?

The slinky and post-it notes are both products that came from mistakes. Don’t forget that mishaps can be turned into triumphs.

You will touch this joy and you will suddenly know it is what you were looking for your whole life, but you were afraid to even acknowledge the absence because the hunger for it was so encompassing.

The place of chess in the society is closely related to the attitude of young people towards our game.

One compromise here, another there and soon enough the so-called Christian and the man in the world look the same.

How much do I owe you?

The next time you make a snap judgment about a situation, take a few moments to understand an opposing viewpoint.

Clean out a corner of your mind and creativity will instantly fill it.

I have a great relationship with the blacks. I've always had a great relationship with the blacks.

It's been a pattern in my life - when I get in trouble, I try to get out of it, since I was little.

No screenplay is possible, unless you get some attachment from somebody who's going to get it made.