I was born old and get younger every day. At present I am sixty years young.

Ladies, just a little more virginity, if you don't mind.

People are too apt to treat God as if he were a minor royalty.

Cynicism is the humor of hatred.

He is an old bore. Even the grave yawns for him.

God is a sort of burglar. As a young man you knock him down; as an old man you try to conciliate him, because he may knock you down.

The only man who wasn't spoilt by being lionized was Daniel.

A man never knows what a fool he is until he hears himself imitated by one.

I'll have that one, please.

A committee should consist of three men, two of whom are absent.

Never say a humorous thing to a man who does not possess humour: he will always use it in evidence against you.

If it weren’t for physics and law enforcement, I’d be unstoppable.

[N]othing is more easily corrupted than an artist.

This book is dedicated to all the students I've known over the years who've taught me humility and what it means to really be a kid.

Schoolmasters and parents exist to be grown out of.

Patience is always rewarded and romance is always round the corner!

Anybody can do their best, but we are helped by the Spirit of God to do better than our best.

My favorite place in the world is this store called My Sister's Closet in Arizona and it's the greatest secondhand shop in the world.

I like my nuts," Mooner said. "I don't want them cut off. I'd be, like, nutless then.

Science is definitely part of America's infrastructure, the engine of prosperity. And yet science is given almost no visibility in the media.

I always try to have a vacation.