I was born on the kitchen table. We were so poor my mother couldn't afford to have me; the lady next door gave birth to me.

My mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives.

As long as the world is turning and spinning, we're gonna be dizzy and we're gonna make mistakes.

I've been accused of vulgarity. I say that's bullshit.

If you stand on a soapbox and trade rhetoric with a dictator you never win.

Hope for the Best. Expect the worst. Life is a play. We're unrehearsed.

Life literally abounds in comedy if you just look around you.

If presidents can't do it to their wives, they do it to their country.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

I don't know what to say so I'll just say what's in my heart...badoom, badoom, badoom.

Take time daily to reflect on how much you have. It may not be all that you want but remember someone somewhere is dreaming to have what you have.

See for yourself whether letting go when a part of you really wants to hold on doesn't bring a deeper satisfaction than clinging.

It's unpleasantly like being drunk." "What's so unpleasant about being drunk?" "You ask a glass of water.

Happiness is prosperity combined with virtue.

I've never been good at self-promotion. And my URL is really obscure. And for years and years, there was nothing about me on my website.

The city reveals the moral ends of being, and sets the awful problem of life. The country soothes us, refreshes us, lifts us up with religious suggestion.

The point of being at home is to be with my family as much as possible.

When I was larger, people said I was fat. Now that I've lost weight, they say I died.

The best generals are those who have served in the artillery.

In highschool I was very excited that alog(b)=blog(a), and still find it useful today.