I was born with an adult head and a tiny body. Like a 'Peanuts' character.

You can truly grieve for every officer who's been lost in the line of duty in this country, and still be troubled by cases of police overreach.

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!

We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea.

Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.

I've always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and the food.

Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.

I really like to put my name on everything, so my roommate doesn't steal it. It's really a throwback to that.

I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over.

If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime.

...we can love someone without understanding that person.

Tired mothers find that spanking takes less time than reasoning and penetrates sooner to the seat of the memory.

I started working as an actor, semi-professionally, when I was 16, and got my first professional gig at 19. I guess I've kind of worked pretty consistently since then.

I want to play an action hero. I'm ready for roles that totally aren't me.

The one thing that's common to all successful people: They make a habit of doing things that unsuccessful people don't like to do.

There is no course of life so weak and sottish as that which is managed by order, method, and discipline.

Mind is a most delicate evidence. Not a soul has seen it yet.

Over the years I've studied the habits of golfers. I know what to look for. Watch their eyes. Fear shows up when there is an enlargement of the pupils. Big pupils lead to big scores.

One year to me is just a small section of life. For most humans, one year is a long time and so much happens. But for the universe, it's very temporary.

I grew up in a Chinese family where the parents No. 1 priority is the kids education.