I was brought up as a Catholic. I've got A-level guilt.

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.

A woman's mind is as complex as the contents of her handbag; even when you get to the bottom of it, there is ALWAYS something at the bottom to surprise you!

So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?

Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on.

There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.

The desire to be a politician should bar you for life from ever being one.

I think age is terribly overrated. You're okay as long as you don't grow up. By all means grow old, but don't mature. Remain childlike, retain wonder, the ability to be flabbergasted by something.

Life is supposed to be fun. It's not a job or occupation. We're here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh.

It's not about whether or not someone is a bigot, but whether or not the argument which that someone is arguing is worth being a bigot about.

The promotion and prosperity of any country will only happen after when Jesus Christ comes into the land

Some things were better lost than found.

Men will wrangle for religion write for it fight for it die for it anything but live for it.

I have 100 percent confidence in the German judicial system.

I forced myself to go visit Asia four times a year.

A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

A healthy man is content with a woman. An erotic man is content with a stocking to get to a woman. A sick man is content with thestocking.

For the sake of peace, religious beliefs must never be allowed to be abused in the cause of violence and war.

I don't need the Ballon d'Or to know I'm the best. It matters more to some players